"Self-portrait"

I am excited for school. Yep, it sounds strange, but knowing that I have only 8 more months til graduation makes me happy :-) School just started and my desk is full of books and papers already. Well it's what I get for taking 7 classes in my senior year haha. But I can do it! Anyways, one of my homework is taking 3 "self-portrait" pictures. "Self-portrait" is in quotation because I cannot have my face in the pictures, but the objects that represent my personality. Uhm I have never approached photography because I don't have that kind of artsy sense which can recognize or read the soul behind the objects haha. I think photographers are amazing artists... Even though I do painting and drawing, the way I perceive art is different from photography. Anyways, with my crappy digital camera (I am just thrilled to know that my school is lending us those professional "bulky" camera soon hehe!), I walked around my apartment and took 3 close-up shots of those objects which I thought to be a good representation for my personality.

A stack of textbooks - hardworking?

Uhm no, it does not mean I'm a nerd. I wish I was one though. Why books? Well, when I was in high school, which was a life-turning-point for kids in Vietnam, I screwed up. While other kids spent all their time studying in order to get into the best universities, I just ran around and caused troubles. I think it was in senior year when mom wrote me a letter. Sway from the main topic for a bit, but writing letters has been a tradition among my mom, little sister, and me. There was always something we could not express in person, and letters had become the best communication tool of us. Words were poured onto that thin piece of paper and that was how we set our problems straight. I love it. Anyways, back to mom's letter before I left home for college in the States..

"Dear my daughter,

[...]Your grandpa passed away when I was 6 and grandma alone raised three of her kids up. People looked down on us because of what we wore and ate. It broke my heart to see grandma work so hard, yet barely fed three hungry mouths, and she had to bear with the cruel judgement of society. I could not do anything, but studied hard to make her happy. I am where I am now is because of education. Thi, education is important. In our family, the only way to stand up is education...[...]"

Well, I grew up experiencing with some unhappy moments of that unfairness happening in our own family, but the young selfish me just wanted to ignore the matter. Even though mom had been telling about the story, it just went from this ear to another one. But that letter, blurry texts from her tears, hit me hard. That's why I am working very hard in college. It is not only because of me but also my loved ones who have always been proud and supportive.

Art supply - artsy?

I love art. A lot. Very. Freaking. Much. But I wasn't supported to major in art. Even high school cut the art program out. I keep it as a hobby though. It's something I can sit all day and bury myself in colors (sadly my schedule is a jealous b*tch). Anyways, it's just my stress outlet:-)

Sticker note - ambivert?

My sister and I are going through a tough time. One night she came home, burst into tears, and that was when I felt so powerless. I have always thought I have my life in control, yet the fact that I couldn't protect my little sister from inevitable broken heart made me feel weak. We were raised to believe that actions were stronger than words, so we barely expressed our love verbally. We learned the way to feel and perceive love from what others do for us, not what they say to us. I did not know what to do at that time and I had to leave early in the morning, so I left a sticker note on her laptop. Days later, it was still there, so I asked her why she didn't throw it away. "Well," she said, "it is nice to have some evidence of your love once in awhile, isn't it?" That melted my heart :-)

Okay, enough of random things :-) At least I just dusted my blog haha.

Kids being kids

Just something to brush off the dust on my blog... I have stayed with different families for some years and they all have kids in the house. Kids are fun. They get on my nerves sometimes, but most of the time, you get to have someone to laugh at. Hehe. Anyways, I got off work early today and my artsy need kicked in. Too lazy to get my pencil color from the bottom of my suitcase, so I did some quick sketches in Photoshop :-) They are just a few silly moments of the kids I used to babysit. Enjoy :-)

On writing...

I have to admit that I like writing. A lot. I don't know what has happened to me. When I was young, I could write whatever I want just in a flash. Now, I just stare at my laptop screen for hours and all I can think of is some sentences. Sometimes, I want to write something beautiful and sophisticating, yet I end up scribble something a kindergarten kid can come up with. Sigh. So, to figure out what is wrong with my wild child's imagination, I had an assembly with my brain. Well, it was a frustrating meeting with her...

Me: Okay brain, I have an idea. My life is fantastic! Let's write something to show my appreciation to everyone who makes it better. Something nice and philosophically...uhm...some life lessons...You know? Make it beautiful! Make it sparkle! So everyone knows I can write?

Brain: Hmm okay...How about "I love banana?"

Me: No, no, no, not about food! Well, if you don't want to write about philosophy, let's write about my loved ones, okay? About my beautiful childhood? What shapes me into who I am today? How about that? Those sound spectacular, don't them?

Brain: Ohh, I get it! I fart rainbow!

Me: Are you kidding me, brain? Can you just work with me once? Fine, I go to bed. Bed sounds better than you. Zz Zz Zz....Hmm so comfortable...

Brain: Hey, wake up, lazy butt! The world is waiting for you out there! The birds are chirping over the rainbow and they want you to depict the beauty of the nature. Get your butt off the bed and start writing! Life is fantastic and you cannot waste it by sleeping, idiot! I can see sparkling fairy flying. I can see flowers flowing. I can see stars twinkling. Come on!

Me: Oh gosh...Why?

So...that is the story why I have not had any decent posts on my blog...

Why don't I believe in Santa Claus any more?

           I know it is not Christmas season, but somehow my friend and I ended up talking about whether Santa Claus was real or not. And I guess July always reminded me about Christmas because four years ago when I was in Boston, I accidentally wore a shirt saying Holiday Seasons and on that day, the Boston radio played Christmas songs in July. Well, everything about Boston is always special to me. Okay, so why don't I believe in Santa. When I was young, I used to look forward to presents from Santa Claus on Christmas. I used to write him letters every year. I used to look up at the sky to find a glimpse of snow sleigh with a fat jolly man in it. Just like other kids, I did believe in Santa. Then what happened?

            When I was in third grade, I saw an ad about meeting Santa Claus. I came home and insisted on meeting Santa Claus. Little did I know that my parents had to pay for that "service." Well my wish was granted and I got to see Santa! I waited and waited. My mind filled with all the imaginations a child could have with Santa. I imagined him coming to my house in a snow sleigh even though it never snowed in Vietnam. I imagined to touch his white hair and give him a kiss on his red cheek. I imagined he would run his fingers through my hair and give me my present. No. None of those things happened. What happened was just like holding a mirror and smashing it on the floor. All my images about Santa was blown away in a second. Well, the "Santa" came, but he was not on a snow sleigh. He was on a motorbike! Oh, oh, and he was skinny! Oh, oh, and he was an Asian guy wearing a fake beard. Oh, oh, and he gave me cookies instead of what I want! It was a very awkward silence talking to him because my young mind had figured out that he was not the real Santa... And the worst part was my parent had to pay for him! Sigh. That was it. But when I have kids, I'll still tell them that Santa is real because well, I don't know. The kids deserve a childhood filled with fairy tales I guess. 

      

Uhm this is not my Santa...

Mom's punishment

My mother, just like most Vietnamese mothers, punished her children with spanking. She "ordered" my dad, who was a carpenter, a nice wooden stick just for punishing us only. That "sacred" stick had a nice and distinguish position in our living room and it was like a dead scary devil who kept staring at my sister and me whenever we were in trouble. My dad, even though he was the one who made the stick, never used it. He was actually the guardian who we ran to when mom reached for the stick because he would stop her. The stick was used regularly when I was in elementary school. I grew taller than mom during my middle school years and I was thrilled with that "advantage" because I could easily take the stick from her and run away, just like a golden retriever grabbed the ball and never wanted to give the ball back. And that was how I got away with punishment in middle school.

High school years came, and mom did not have to use the stick much. It was not because we behaved better. It was just we were smart enough not to let her know we screwed up. I was quite a troublemaker in high school, but I was so good at covering my bad doings at home (shh don't tell my mom). One day, mom found out about my habit of skipping classes. Oh. Gosh. She was devastated. She was a teacher and never could she allow a student skip her class; now her own precious daughter, who she thought to be a good student, dug school all the time. I came home that day thinking about all the excuses I could make to get away with this. How horrified I was when I saw mom standing at the door with the stick in her hand. Mom started walking toward me and I started running. I ran upstairs real fast to hide and I thought, at the moment, a ninja could not beat me in running. Mom did not say anything. I could not find anywhere to hide, so I turned around and got ready to take the stick away, just like what I had done in my middle school years. Her eyes were wet and red. She lifted her arm. I closed my eyes... "Whoosh" I heard the sound of the stick hitting on the skin surface, but it was not on me. It was mom hitting herself. Mom cried, "I am..a... bad mom... I don't..hic... know how...to raise...my own...child..." Nothing. Nothing. Nothing could ever describe how shocked and scared I was. I burst into tears. I cried out loud and ran to hold her. My mom was so small; I held her tight in my arms. "Ma, I'm sorry, ma...I'm sorry, ma..."

It was effective. I did not get in trouble any more after that incident... It has been three years since I left home. No one could ever spank me with a stick. I am on my own and I am responsible for myself. Oh, I want to call mom and cry like a baby, but that would freak her out. Yeah, all moms are the same, always worry...I guess this is why I keep a digital journal to myself haha. 

Updated Emma Watson Drawing

So I spent some time working on my Emma Watson drawing. I used brush, blur, dodge, and burn tool to edit the drawing. I think I'm having too much fun with it. I still don't know how to do the hair haha. I probably will work on it more and add some colors :)

 

Emma Watson ♥

Unfinished Emma Watson Drawing

Why do I keep drawing my favorite celebrities? Well, they are 24/7 available online and it is the fastes way to brush off my rusty skills :D Anyways, I did a quick drawing of Emma Watson today. I love her! She's gorgeous, smart, and classy ♥ While I was editing my drawing on Photoshop, my friend walked by and he was like, "That's cheating!" Uhm I call it the blend of digital and traditional art :D! Since I am not skillful enough to do the whole drawing on Photoshop, I sketch what I want to draw and then edit it later :) Save time haha! Here you go the before and after Emma Watson :)

[caption id="attachment_207" align="aligncenter" width="356"] Before[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_208" align="aligncenter" width="356"] After[/caption]

Megan Fox Drawing

Why Megan Fox? Because she's gorgeous! Well I can't remember when the last time I drew was. I am having so much fun in California that I forget all the goals I set at the beginning of summer. Anyways, I've been back on track :) I started my summer reading and doing art!

[caption id="attachment_197" align="aligncenter" width="480"] Artist's Loft art supply![/caption]

I didn't bring my art supply with me to California, so I had to buy a new pencil set. I got Artist's Loft. I was surprised because their products were super affordable. I got a pencil set, a color pencil set, a charcoal set, and a drawing pad for less than $30. I have CretaColor and Prisma Color supply at home and they are expensive, but the quality is awesome. I didn't expect much from Artist's Loft since I didn't know about the brand and they were cheap. However, they surprised me! The color pencils  are soft and the colors are vibrant. I used the pencils and charcoals to draw Megan Fox today. I used the scanner app on my friend's tablet and it couldn't capture the true color of the drawing. Anyways, I used Photoshop to edit the shadow (I know it's cheating, but I just learned Photoshop, so I wanted to mess with it :D). Anyways, here is Megan Fox before and after editing! Well it doesn't look like Megan Fox, but well, I had fun :)

[caption id="attachment_199" align="aligncenter" width="356"] Before[/caption]

"B*tch please!"

"As the discussion continued, it became clearer and clearer that viral media, like art and pornography, lies in the eye of the beholder."

I consider myself an amateur Internet user since I didn't have Internet until I went to high school and didn't become an active user until I came to the States. Thus, almost everything I encounter on the Internet comes with rainbow . No, not really haha. I learn to read and filter the content on the web closely. However, I am still amazed at how the information circulates on the Internet and how certain content can go viral (I know I have mentioned this a lot, but still, it's incredible to see an intangible medium spreads through millions of people without touching them).

I did not know what "meme" was until last semester, and yes, I had fun studying about meme along with its viral structure. As Jenkin mentions in his blog Spreadable Media, meme possesses three important characteristics: fidelity, fecundity, and longevity. I want to take my favorite meme as an example (It seems every day of my college life has been reflected by this meme haha).

The meme originated from a hearty smile of Yao Ming, a basketball player. Internet community "dearly" endows it with "Bitch please," or "I don't care" message. For fidelity, the meme reflects an attitude of "not taking it seriously." The Internet community favors this meme because it seems to go along with any situations in daily life. Politics? What a joke! Justin Bieber? Bitch please! Homework? Screw it (Just kidding)! The content of the meme retains in every situation and everyone can understand it easily. Fecundity of "bitch please meme" is powerful since it is being popularly replicated and used by the Internet community. The remix culture plays an important part in spreading the meme on the web because if people can make parody/remix of the meme, the chance of lasting of one meme is bigger. Lastly, about the longevity, "memes that survive longer have a better chance of being copied." Is it me or I think this should work the other way around? A meme that is being copied have a better chance to survive longer. As mention, the capability of being copied and circulated through the net.

Overall, the rage comic/memes are very popular since visual elements tend to be easier to spread and they carry the humor through simplicity. They are spreadable.

Nostalgia of dad

Dad used to be my hero. He used to be the one who I looked for comfort and protection. Things happened. People changed. The way I looked at him changed, but from deep down the bottom of my heart, I love him a lot.

My dad was a carpenter. He blew souls into ugly pieces of wood. He made our furniture. I still remember how spoiled I was when I asked for a customized bookshelf where I could make a fort underneath. To me, he was a magician. I spent my childhood with him because mom was busy working all day. His wood scrapes were my Lego. I built cities. I built villages. I built my dreams... "Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a carpenter like you! So I can help you with work!" said little me. Dad smiled at me, "no, you're a girl. I don't want you to do hard work."  To me, dad was a superhero. He could lift me up and spin me around. "Daddy, I can fly! I'll be a superman when I grow up! So I can save the world!" I excitedly yelled while making flying gestures. He smiled and said, "no, you're a girl. I don't want the whole world to be on your shoulders." I was too little to understand what he meant. To me, he was a guardian. He literally kicked butts of those neighbor kids who made me cry. "Daddy, I want to be a boy when I grow up. So no one can make me cry!" sobbing little me said. Dad ran his fingers through my hair and said, "no, you're a girl. It's okay to cry. And if someone makes you cry, I won't forgive those people." At that time, I knew I'd always be daddy's little girl.

Time flew by. I didn't talk to him as much any more. We exchanged some awkward conversations when I was in high school, and I guess it is normal to any teenagers who have to go through "growing up" crisis. I changed. He changed. Life changed. But there's one thing I know is that his love for me will never change. It has been almost three years since I left Vietnam. I don't know how I endure with this feeling of missing my loved ones for so long. Sometimes, I just want to give in everything and come home, where I can be a baby. Sometimes, the cruelness of life makes me cry, but dad is not here to "kick their butts" like he said...

Perhaps, this makes me stronger. Perhaps, this makes me appreciate more what I am having. Perhaps, this makes me love my family more. And for sure, family is the greatest treasure that I have with me in this adventure of life. "We are sorry that we couldn't afford a birthday cake for you, but here is the glass of juice. We wish the best for you and we want to let you know that we love you very much, our princess." That's what dad said in my earliest memory of a birthday . Since then I know I am the luckiest princess in the world. Dad, I miss and love you a lot. And it's hurt...

Reproduction in Viral Media

Even though I have been studying about viral structures for two semesters, I am still amazed at how a medium can go viral in such a short time (tell me about Kony 2012). From Kim's reading, I spotted a term "pattern recognition." It caught my attention because it was how most of us try to analyze the viral structures of a medium. Last year, our meme project was about anti cyber-bully, and we picked up the pattern of "how to be" videos to create our media object.

In my psychology of creativity class, we use "pattern recognition" as a tool to associate clues and recall details. In this reading, this term comes to me as a way to direct and attract more viewers to the media object. For example, the series of "Shit people say" videos have become viral lately. This also touches on the remix culture (parody, remixed videos, etc.). If a video goes viral and any tag words that associate with that video will be used to direct the attention to later remixed objects. The reproduction of the media object reflects one individual's thoughts on the topic creatively. Let's take a look at this remixed video on a famous teenage movie Twilight:

Buffy vs Edward

It is funny how all those teenage girls go crazy over Edward a.k.a the sparkling "fairy," and from the remixed video, Edward is portrayed as a very creepy stalker (and yes, if I was the main girl character in Twilight, I would have called 911 when the sparkling vampire broke into my house, not daydreaming about him). The reproduction of that popular movie Twilight lets others express their freedom to criticize the medium. Thanks to the participatory platform of YouTube, it makes the remix culture grow faster. However, besides the power of using a viral medium to express one's political view, the reproduction might violate the copyright and the remixed content might not be comprehended by all audience.

The trace of digital identity

If before we used our biological features as our identity forms or presence marks (e.g. finger prints, footprints, etc.), nowadays, this world of bits records every single move of ours with digital footprints. Most of us find the Internet useful and we are still excited to explore this new toy. However, a lot of Internet users have no idea how much personal information they have made accessible on the Internet.

I watched We Live in Public, a documentary about Josh Harris - an Internet Pioneer, and Josh reminded me of Guy, a character in Transmission of Hari Kunzru (Well, this book has my vote for the most interesting reading in the course besides the Ghost Map haha). Both of them are bright people who have great ideas and both of them, in the end, run away from the glossy world to hide in a rural area, yet their digital identities still haunt them.

For Josh Harris, the idea of capturing his daily live and have it live on the Internet was bizarre to me. People crave for attention every single minute and they would do anything to have that fifteen-minute fame. The experiment turned Josh from a creative artist to a destructive individual. Everything he put on the Internet transformed into bit and stayed there forever. For Guy, a creative marketer, his idea is to combine physical database and biometrics as identification to prevent illegal immigrants. Ironically, his idea betrayed him with Leela, the sweet virus, and made him get identified as an illegal immigrant and get deported. Later, when Guy tries to run away from everything and hide in a place no one knows, it is still easy to track him down before of those bits on the magnetic stripe on his credit cards, the money in his bank, the fame that he has, etc. Everything defines his digital identity.

I feel kind of ironic how I am studying about media and sometimes I find it hard to control the information I share on the Internet. To save time and save money, I am willing to share my personal information (talking about those loyalty cards or toll tag) and those information bits will be stored forever, yet I have no idea about who has control over them. Sometimes, I tell myself that I'd take a break from the digital world when I'm done with school (since all my school work is online based), but I catch myself constantly checking my email and other networking accounts wondering what people would react if I disappear virtually (especially when I am half an earth away from home). And then, I realize that I am just another sheep who wants attention just like Josh Harris and leave my digital footsteps everywhere in this digital world just like Guy. And sometimes, I just want to be like Arjun, to really disappear without any trace tied to identity (Well, it's a metaphor. I don't want to physically disappear haha).

Adventures in Vietnam

I miss Vietnam. To me, it is not simply just a place where I was born and raised; it is the land of love and peace.

Things that make me smile

Life has been a bit crazy for me. Days go by so fast that I barely remember what the last meaningful thing I did. It kind of saddens me because I thought I would never change no matter how busy life was. Even though people keep telling me that changing is inevitable for growing up, but constantly preoccupied with everything is not the change I want. Anyways, I just want to jot down some small things I have encountered that remind me how lucky I am to be in this beautiful world (sorry for my cheesiness and thanks for bearing with it haha).

- Sunlight hits my eyes when I wake up. I recently moved my bed closer to the window and let the blinds open, so I can be welcomed by the first sunlight :) I also changed my alarm to my favorite song. It is a happy way to start a day haha.

- A little girl yelled "You're so pretty, bicycle girl!" to me. I don't feel comfortable riding my bike around since people, especially girls, don't do that in Dallas (I didn't have my car for four months). That little girl just made my day ♥

- I have been coming to McDonald on every Tuesday to study (Don't ask me why haha). One day, this elderly couple came to me and said "We've been watching you study the whole time. You're very hard-working and we wish you the best." It just melted my heart and made me smile. Now, whenever I come, they give me hugs :) Thanks Mrs. Evelyn and Mr. Floyd for making my Tuesday brighter.

- My sister randomly texts me "I love you, cranky sister." I am still surprised because we barely verbally express our feelings (We grew up that way because our parents believed "actions were stronger than words" haha). I think it is just very sweet to be reminded that I am loved (awkward wording alert!).

- I get to talk to my parents every Saturday. Before, due to some circumstances, I didn't get to talk to them often (It's been almost three years since I last saw them :C ). Now that my dad just installed Skype and bought a webcam, I can actually see them. Sigh. Sometimes I just want to give in everything and go home.

- While writing this post, I got a text from my uncle asking if everything was okay and let him know I needed anything (aww). I went "awww" because he is the strictest uncle, and it is just sweet. Just. Very. Sweet. I'll go home this weekend to visit my aunts and uncles!

Okay, I have to go back to study. Sleep is overrated!

Random

It's been some days since my last post. Hmm I have been slacking from my plan which is to write more haha (Blame on school and work!). Ugh it's only the second week of school, and things start getting chaotic already (sigh). I don't even know how I can balance between taking seven classes and working.

People say I am lucky. Well, I am at a point where I feel super lucky to have supportive parents and great friends, but luck is not the only factor contributing to what I am having today. I do work hard. Like a motherf*cking dog (Sorry about my foul language, but it is getting on my nerves when people assume that I am having a princess life). Sometimes, I get jealous of those spoiled kids who have their parents with them. I am only twenty (I left home when I was seventeen) and I want to be a baby too. I get tired of being a tough one. I can't show my worries and fears because I don't want to affect my little sister or people around me. It is just hard being on my own without my parents here. But I guess everything has its own prices and rewards. And yes, I do believe in karma. Work hard today, play harder later. What matters is I am happy and I am working hard toward my goals which are in my sight right now.

Dog attacking and same-sexed parents

Well the title is misleading because there is no connection between those two statements. They are just random encounters I ran into today and I want to jot them down before heading to dream land haha.

This morning, I got attacked by two big dogs while riving my bike to school (Thanks to the bike which helped me block the dogs). Good thing is I wasn't injured, and the police came on time. When I told this incident to everyone, the first thing they asked after "are you okay?" was "so did you sue the owner?" I felt funny because at that moment, to be able to get out of the scene was my top mission, but then when I think about it, I forgot that I was living in America. Why America? Blame on my shallow thoughts, but I think American's individualism is too high that they get offended at every small thing which invades their comfort zone. Get burned by a cup in a coffee shop. Sue! Fall on the driveway of a neighbor. Sue! Broke  a leg while breaking into someone's house. Sue!

It didn't take me long to forget the dog attacking accident. Now it's become a joke about my history of being attacked by dogs. Move on. Today, at work, there were this white couple with a colored skin baby coming in. The baby was absolutely adorable and she was waving at me the whole time ♥ It is funny how I am from a conservative Asian country and I didn't even notice that the parents were a same-sexed couple until my boss pointed it out to me. I was a little surprised and amazed because it was the first time I had seen a same-sexed couple with an adopted baby. "Mama!" the baby said, and my manage turned to me frowned, "This is so confusing. How can the kid know which one is mama?" At that moment, she kind of got on my nerve. Well, the baby doesn't need to indicate which parent is her mom because she has two mamas, which means double awesome! Being homosexual is not their choice and being judged by the society is out of their controls. In the end, I believe that any individual has the right to be with the one they love.

Jan 16th already?

I am so excited that school starts tomorrow! It's been a very long break (5 weeks ugh). This is the first break that I am not taking any classes, yet it's been the most productive one because I reached all the goals I set. It is weird that when I feel like writing something, I sit down and all ideas just wait for that moment to take a vacation. There have been so many times when I type something and backspace, backspace, backspace, and then "screw it, I'm not going to write any more." Yep, I am not too persistent, but now I have to do it because uhm I want to improve my sloppy and choppy writing skill?

So I have been waking up 30 minutes earlier everyday to exercise and "take" my daily writing dose haha. I hope I can keep this up. Last week, I rode my bike to Starbucks, and this little girl came to me when I was locking my bike. She said,"Wow you ride a bike? That's so cool! But why are you riding a bike? Don't you have a family?" That kind of hit me in the face haha. People don't see girls riding bikes around in Dallas often. I used to care about what they think when they see an Asian girl riding bike around, but then I realized that wouldn't change any pieces of my life.

Thank you for Dallas for having such favorable weather so far ♥

Daily dose of writing

I came across my Tumblr page from a year ago and I am amazed at how things had changed... I will try to spare at least thirty minutes a day to write about whatever.

I was on my own the whole time since I came to the States two and a half years ago. Homesick was horrible. No matter how strong you are, the feeling of missing your loved ones will flow in every single veins of yours. Sometimes I wonder why I left my family to be here and endure with all the things, but life is not just simply about asking questions and expecting someone to answer them. I have my goals and I am happy about everything I do. It's what matters.

My younger sister just moved here and stayed with me some months ago. I have been always telling her how much I miss her, and every time she replies, "But I'm already here. How come you still miss me?" I guess my definition of missing is different from hers. I think missing brings the mental connotation. I miss doing the things that we used to do when we were young. I miss the innocent childhood. I miss the dinner time with family. The missing carries the feeling I have with those special people; it's not when they are physically being here or not. Both of us are working and going to school, and I hate to see my sister bearing with all the things which are not for a girl her age. I hate seeing her stressing out about money for school and living. I hate seeing her having to take public transportation for two hours to school. I hate it when we seem to let money take over our lives. It just hurts me too much... But those obstacles we are going through will make us stronger and more appreciative. Only one more year and a half until I graduate... As soon as I start working and making money, I swear I won't let my little sister endure with these things any more...