Nostalgia of dad

Dad used to be my hero. He used to be the one who I looked for comfort and protection. Things happened. People changed. The way I looked at him changed, but from deep down the bottom of my heart, I love him a lot.

My dad was a carpenter. He blew souls into ugly pieces of wood. He made our furniture. I still remember how spoiled I was when I asked for a customized bookshelf where I could make a fort underneath. To me, he was a magician. I spent my childhood with him because mom was busy working all day. His wood scrapes were my Lego. I built cities. I built villages. I built my dreams... "Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a carpenter like you! So I can help you with work!" said little me. Dad smiled at me, "no, you're a girl. I don't want you to do hard work."  To me, dad was a superhero. He could lift me up and spin me around. "Daddy, I can fly! I'll be a superman when I grow up! So I can save the world!" I excitedly yelled while making flying gestures. He smiled and said, "no, you're a girl. I don't want the whole world to be on your shoulders." I was too little to understand what he meant. To me, he was a guardian. He literally kicked butts of those neighbor kids who made me cry. "Daddy, I want to be a boy when I grow up. So no one can make me cry!" sobbing little me said. Dad ran his fingers through my hair and said, "no, you're a girl. It's okay to cry. And if someone makes you cry, I won't forgive those people." At that time, I knew I'd always be daddy's little girl.

Time flew by. I didn't talk to him as much any more. We exchanged some awkward conversations when I was in high school, and I guess it is normal to any teenagers who have to go through "growing up" crisis. I changed. He changed. Life changed. But there's one thing I know is that his love for me will never change. It has been almost three years since I left Vietnam. I don't know how I endure with this feeling of missing my loved ones for so long. Sometimes, I just want to give in everything and come home, where I can be a baby. Sometimes, the cruelness of life makes me cry, but dad is not here to "kick their butts" like he said...

Perhaps, this makes me stronger. Perhaps, this makes me appreciate more what I am having. Perhaps, this makes me love my family more. And for sure, family is the greatest treasure that I have with me in this adventure of life. "We are sorry that we couldn't afford a birthday cake for you, but here is the glass of juice. We wish the best for you and we want to let you know that we love you very much, our princess." That's what dad said in my earliest memory of a birthday . Since then I know I am the luckiest princess in the world. Dad, I miss and love you a lot. And it's hurt...

Reproduction in Viral Media

Even though I have been studying about viral structures for two semesters, I am still amazed at how a medium can go viral in such a short time (tell me about Kony 2012). From Kim's reading, I spotted a term "pattern recognition." It caught my attention because it was how most of us try to analyze the viral structures of a medium. Last year, our meme project was about anti cyber-bully, and we picked up the pattern of "how to be" videos to create our media object.

In my psychology of creativity class, we use "pattern recognition" as a tool to associate clues and recall details. In this reading, this term comes to me as a way to direct and attract more viewers to the media object. For example, the series of "Shit people say" videos have become viral lately. This also touches on the remix culture (parody, remixed videos, etc.). If a video goes viral and any tag words that associate with that video will be used to direct the attention to later remixed objects. The reproduction of the media object reflects one individual's thoughts on the topic creatively. Let's take a look at this remixed video on a famous teenage movie Twilight:

Buffy vs Edward

It is funny how all those teenage girls go crazy over Edward a.k.a the sparkling "fairy," and from the remixed video, Edward is portrayed as a very creepy stalker (and yes, if I was the main girl character in Twilight, I would have called 911 when the sparkling vampire broke into my house, not daydreaming about him). The reproduction of that popular movie Twilight lets others express their freedom to criticize the medium. Thanks to the participatory platform of YouTube, it makes the remix culture grow faster. However, besides the power of using a viral medium to express one's political view, the reproduction might violate the copyright and the remixed content might not be comprehended by all audience.

The trace of digital identity

If before we used our biological features as our identity forms or presence marks (e.g. finger prints, footprints, etc.), nowadays, this world of bits records every single move of ours with digital footprints. Most of us find the Internet useful and we are still excited to explore this new toy. However, a lot of Internet users have no idea how much personal information they have made accessible on the Internet.

I watched We Live in Public, a documentary about Josh Harris - an Internet Pioneer, and Josh reminded me of Guy, a character in Transmission of Hari Kunzru (Well, this book has my vote for the most interesting reading in the course besides the Ghost Map haha). Both of them are bright people who have great ideas and both of them, in the end, run away from the glossy world to hide in a rural area, yet their digital identities still haunt them.

For Josh Harris, the idea of capturing his daily live and have it live on the Internet was bizarre to me. People crave for attention every single minute and they would do anything to have that fifteen-minute fame. The experiment turned Josh from a creative artist to a destructive individual. Everything he put on the Internet transformed into bit and stayed there forever. For Guy, a creative marketer, his idea is to combine physical database and biometrics as identification to prevent illegal immigrants. Ironically, his idea betrayed him with Leela, the sweet virus, and made him get identified as an illegal immigrant and get deported. Later, when Guy tries to run away from everything and hide in a place no one knows, it is still easy to track him down before of those bits on the magnetic stripe on his credit cards, the money in his bank, the fame that he has, etc. Everything defines his digital identity.

I feel kind of ironic how I am studying about media and sometimes I find it hard to control the information I share on the Internet. To save time and save money, I am willing to share my personal information (talking about those loyalty cards or toll tag) and those information bits will be stored forever, yet I have no idea about who has control over them. Sometimes, I tell myself that I'd take a break from the digital world when I'm done with school (since all my school work is online based), but I catch myself constantly checking my email and other networking accounts wondering what people would react if I disappear virtually (especially when I am half an earth away from home). And then, I realize that I am just another sheep who wants attention just like Josh Harris and leave my digital footsteps everywhere in this digital world just like Guy. And sometimes, I just want to be like Arjun, to really disappear without any trace tied to identity (Well, it's a metaphor. I don't want to physically disappear haha).

Adventures in Vietnam

I miss Vietnam. To me, it is not simply just a place where I was born and raised; it is the land of love and peace.

Things that make me smile

Life has been a bit crazy for me. Days go by so fast that I barely remember what the last meaningful thing I did. It kind of saddens me because I thought I would never change no matter how busy life was. Even though people keep telling me that changing is inevitable for growing up, but constantly preoccupied with everything is not the change I want. Anyways, I just want to jot down some small things I have encountered that remind me how lucky I am to be in this beautiful world (sorry for my cheesiness and thanks for bearing with it haha).

- Sunlight hits my eyes when I wake up. I recently moved my bed closer to the window and let the blinds open, so I can be welcomed by the first sunlight :) I also changed my alarm to my favorite song. It is a happy way to start a day haha.

- A little girl yelled "You're so pretty, bicycle girl!" to me. I don't feel comfortable riding my bike around since people, especially girls, don't do that in Dallas (I didn't have my car for four months). That little girl just made my day ♥

- I have been coming to McDonald on every Tuesday to study (Don't ask me why haha). One day, this elderly couple came to me and said "We've been watching you study the whole time. You're very hard-working and we wish you the best." It just melted my heart and made me smile. Now, whenever I come, they give me hugs :) Thanks Mrs. Evelyn and Mr. Floyd for making my Tuesday brighter.

- My sister randomly texts me "I love you, cranky sister." I am still surprised because we barely verbally express our feelings (We grew up that way because our parents believed "actions were stronger than words" haha). I think it is just very sweet to be reminded that I am loved (awkward wording alert!).

- I get to talk to my parents every Saturday. Before, due to some circumstances, I didn't get to talk to them often (It's been almost three years since I last saw them :C ). Now that my dad just installed Skype and bought a webcam, I can actually see them. Sigh. Sometimes I just want to give in everything and go home.

- While writing this post, I got a text from my uncle asking if everything was okay and let him know I needed anything (aww). I went "awww" because he is the strictest uncle, and it is just sweet. Just. Very. Sweet. I'll go home this weekend to visit my aunts and uncles!

Okay, I have to go back to study. Sleep is overrated!