Nostalgia of dad

Dad used to be my hero. He used to be the one who I looked for comfort and protection. Things happened. People changed. The way I looked at him changed, but from deep down the bottom of my heart, I love him a lot.

My dad was a carpenter. He blew souls into ugly pieces of wood. He made our furniture. I still remember how spoiled I was when I asked for a customized bookshelf where I could make a fort underneath. To me, he was a magician. I spent my childhood with him because mom was busy working all day. His wood scrapes were my Lego. I built cities. I built villages. I built my dreams... "Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a carpenter like you! So I can help you with work!" said little me. Dad smiled at me, "no, you're a girl. I don't want you to do hard work."  To me, dad was a superhero. He could lift me up and spin me around. "Daddy, I can fly! I'll be a superman when I grow up! So I can save the world!" I excitedly yelled while making flying gestures. He smiled and said, "no, you're a girl. I don't want the whole world to be on your shoulders." I was too little to understand what he meant. To me, he was a guardian. He literally kicked butts of those neighbor kids who made me cry. "Daddy, I want to be a boy when I grow up. So no one can make me cry!" sobbing little me said. Dad ran his fingers through my hair and said, "no, you're a girl. It's okay to cry. And if someone makes you cry, I won't forgive those people." At that time, I knew I'd always be daddy's little girl.

Time flew by. I didn't talk to him as much any more. We exchanged some awkward conversations when I was in high school, and I guess it is normal to any teenagers who have to go through "growing up" crisis. I changed. He changed. Life changed. But there's one thing I know is that his love for me will never change. It has been almost three years since I left Vietnam. I don't know how I endure with this feeling of missing my loved ones for so long. Sometimes, I just want to give in everything and come home, where I can be a baby. Sometimes, the cruelness of life makes me cry, but dad is not here to "kick their butts" like he said...

Perhaps, this makes me stronger. Perhaps, this makes me appreciate more what I am having. Perhaps, this makes me love my family more. And for sure, family is the greatest treasure that I have with me in this adventure of life. "We are sorry that we couldn't afford a birthday cake for you, but here is the glass of juice. We wish the best for you and we want to let you know that we love you very much, our princess." That's what dad said in my earliest memory of a birthday . Since then I know I am the luckiest princess in the world. Dad, I miss and love you a lot. And it's hurt...